Today I’m sharing my copy critique of an email a CopySkills™ member sent to her list.
This member helps men quit pornography and sex-related addictions.
She’s brilliant and she’s doing God’s work.
Sidebar: One of the perks of being in CopySkills™ is unlimited copy critiques. For 20 bucks a month I’ll be your copy chief.
A lot of people think copywriting is about the words.
That somehow there are magical words you can use to get people to buy.
And while there are certain secret literary techniques one can use to boost sales…
They count for less than 10% of a sales message’s effectiveness.
You’ll see why in a minute.
Here’s my feedback on the email in question.
Background: In this email the coach tells the story of her recently divorced friend dating a guy “by accident.”
QUOTE
The email is interesting and because it’s more of a story, there’s not much to critique with respect to the copy. However, speaking as a man this example is an outlier and not helpful to the majority of your audience.
It’s a great story for women who want dating/romance/sex to “just happen” and for men to “just get it.” But the men are thinking,
“So I have to spend $5,000 on furniture I don’t need for the remote possibility of dating a divorced broad with kids? Fuck this shit let me go watch another gangbang video.”
I guarantee every man who read this email thought that. I know you’ve got this cool big sister/mommy vibe that a lot of men will be comfortable with but you still have to appeal to the male brain if you want to help us.
You can improve this email and your content in general by extrapolating general principles that men can apply right now to improve their chances of dating and sex IRL.
For example, dating coach Dante Nero aka Beige Philip has his “5 bricks a day” rule, which is talking to 5 women every day. Here’s an explanation (audio only.)
Creating these rules and naming them will give you and your audience shared language and motifs. This is important in building a relationship with them and eventually getting them to hire you.
UNQUOTE
Notice I didn’t say anything about her copy.
In order of importance, the results of your sales message are determined by
- Understanding your audience
- Making an appropriate sales argument
- Using the right words
All three are essential but without 1 and 2, 3 is irrelevant.
Many of the copy critiques I do for CopySkills™ members involve fixing 1 and 2 before we start on 3.
But that’s not all you get.
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Sincerely,
Nabeel